This piece is dedicated to all the people who built the loos, cleaned them and kept them lit up at night and was performed at the Healing Camp Cabaret

DAY ONE

Here at last! Felt very well prepared Remembered to pack 4 loo rolls. Pitched tent near the woods and noticed what appeared to be a colourful little house thing nestling among the trees. Thought it must be a kind of Wendy House for the children. Built fire, had cup of tea, noticed folk making their way towards the Wendy House with serious expressions. Perhaps the Wendy House is some kind of Meditation Lodge. Will investigate tomorrow....

DAY TWO

The Wendy House turns out to be the loo. Secluded and with DOORS! Decided to try it out Got halfway up the stairs and realised PRECISELY what the platform was perched over. Worried about the sturdiness of the platform. Descended the stairs. Went and had a cup of tea. Afternoon - explored the field.

Two other facilities available:

• Woodbog 2 nice location , no doors.
• Pitbog near cowfield : nice views, felt safer underfoot but no doors.

Went to Woodbog 1 and stayed just long enough for pee.

DAY THREE

Morning meeting. Apparently we are NOT to pee in the Woodbogs! Well, I ask you. How would it be if every other bog was the same? Imagine the notices:

• PUBLIC BUILDINGS "Do not urinate in these toilets, by order of the management.
• RESTAURANTS "Customers are respectfully reminded that these toilets are not for the passing of water."
• PEOPLE'S HOMES Well, they'd vary, wouldn't they? You'd get your ingle nookie, cosy, pink fluffy carpet pedestal type notice " If into this loo you stray, tinkle not dear guest, I pray:" Right down to the " Don't piss here, as a punch in the face often offends." And where could you pee? Behind the sofa? In the cats litter tray Perhaps?

Found a nice tree. Hugged it, apologised and peed on it

EVENING Still no urge to visit loo for things of a more substantial nature. Ate bean stew and visualised trains going through tunnels.

DAY FOUR

Trip into Cinderford. Found health food shop. Bought heavy duty muesli, industrial strength bran flakes and bag of figs. Back to camp, ate figs. Waited. No result. Must be duff figs.

DUSK Went to Woodbog 1 and sat down. Felt hopeful. Heard someone come into the adjacent one.... They peed! They actually peed! Felt complex range of emotions.

• 1. Not so guilty that I peed in one yesterday.
• 2. Outraged that they were peeing. I mean, hadn't they heard the announcement at the meeting? No, probably not. Person who pees in Woodbog, probably lazy good not the sort who does not go to meeting!
• 3. Anxiety. If I could hear what they were doing, then that meant they could hear me. Went back to the tent. Dreamed of trains going through tunnels.

DAY FIVE

6.45 a.m. Got up. Not feeling too well. Wandered about a bit. Nice dawn, birdsong etc. etc. Found myself near the loos by the cowfield. Thought about going in. No one else around. Might be rather nice to sit there and watch the cows. Worried about the cows watching me. You don't know what they might be thinking, or what they talk about with each other. They're probably dead scornful about the human digestive system with its one pathetic stomach Went back to the tent. Morning meeting. There's a bug going round gives you the squits apparently.... wondered why bug was avoiding me.

P.M. Just read through my diary to date seems rather dominated by one issue! Worried about dangers of becoming obsessive. Worried about the state of my insides. Must get help. Thought about going to Well Being with my problem. Fantasises about possible reactions:

• 1. THE DISMISSIVE
  "For God's sake , woman, we've got people here with limbs hanging off - what kind of problem is that?"
• 2. THE JUDGMENTAL
  "You are obviously a feeble individual who hasn't the slightest idea of how to deal with her own shit"
• 3. THE SARCASTIC
  "Hmm. Have you thought of phoning Dynorod? I believe there's a branch in Gloucester."
• 4. THE SCARY
  "This treatment involves rapid insertion of a large, pointed crystal."

Reassured myself, after all, this is a Healing Camp. All I needed to do was pop my head in, mutter something about a blockage and leave quickly with an appropriate herb tea...

Went to Well Being. No other punters. Immediately surrounded by several nice people all very interested in my problem. Felt like a contestant in Mastermind, with Magnus Magnusson putting me under the spotlight "And your specialist subject tonight is...." Blushed furiously, mumbled a few answers and ended up having acupuncture. Worried about where they'd put the needles.... Relieved that the needles went into hands and feet.

DAY SIX (Wobbly Wednesday)

3 a.m. Woke up from dream of ascending huge flight of wooden stairs nearing the top when earthquake happened Rushed off to Woodbog 1. No one around, sat down after having shone torch on seat to check for absence of snakes, tarantulas etc. Finally let go a bit.

Spent the rest of the day feeling wobbly.

DAY SEVEN

Heavy duty muesli and industrial strength bran for breakfast Decided to really GO FOR IT today. Went back for more acupuncture. "Any success?" says the nice man with the needles. "Umm, sort of ", I mumble, "But, er, nothing to write home about" Upon which I am quizzed about size, colour, consistency and so forth. "Dunno", say I "I went in the Woodbog and it sort of got lost in the crowd..." Feeling very positive after acupuncture. Consider using positive mood to go for the 'Wreckless Eric' give up smoking group. Remember tobacco is a laxative. Go and smoke several fags immediately.

DAY EIGHT

Decide to go on Power Animal Quest by myself. Wander about in woods. Find nice quiet spot and concentrate very hard Have image of dung beetle pop sharply into my mind what can it mean? Go to the very wonderful Chakra Chanting. Really concentrate on vibrating my base chakra. Seems to be working. Start worrying that base chakra might start making noises of its own. Concentrate very hard on NOT vibrating base chakra. Move thoughtfully on to higher chakras. Much later celebrate measure of success in Woodbog!

DAY NINE

Last full day at camp. During my time here, I've herd loads of people talking about PROCESS imagined it was something to do with cheese or peas. However, realise that (like cheese or peas) I too have been through a process:

• STAGE ONE Arrive full of shit
• STAGE TWO Ignore need to 1et go of shit
• STAGE THREE Become increasingly aware of shit
• STAGE FOUR Hang on to own shit worry about other people's.
• STAGE FIVE Become obsessed with shit
• STAGE SIX Try to let go of shit , but feel too afraid.
• STAGE SEVEN Seek help.
• STAGE EIGHT Let go a bit.

So there you have it. I got myself to Camp and let go of a fair amount of shit, but I'm also hanging on to some to take home with me!

Love, Maria

Touch the Tipi to go home

Updated 1st Dec 1999